il bollettino della sfiga

B’ferh chbir poggeit bilchiehda sabiesc fl-euuel persuna nirraconta il-graiiet sbieh u kuluriti illi sehheu nhar id-dsatasc ta’ Marzu elfeinuhamsa. F’dina il-gurnata, chif digia chelli occasioni nannuncia, izzeuueg uihed mill-euuel edituri tal-bollettin (Editur tas-succursali Londoniza detto il Bollettino di L-Ondra). Iva Massimiliano Vella fl-ahhar inghacad f’oghcda ma Sharon Camilleri u ghalih ahna uisch ferhanin (dacs il-Belt mita rebhu s-Centenary/Century Cupp).

Id-dramatis personae ta’ dana l-event ticconcerna primariament l-Uscieri u Bestman li geu maghzula minn maxvella ghall-occasioni. Dauna chienu:

s-sottoscritt Gakbu Sfigho illi cellu ucholl jirreca ruhu geuua Scicluna’s tailoring sabiesc jigbor is-suit ta’ l-uscier gurnata cabel it-tieg;

John Joseph “the mad scientist – fatboyfat” Borg, uscier iehor;

James Bannister (uihed miz-zeug componenti tar-rap grupp nascenti malti Gafar Cake and the Joint Office fein hu hua il-Gafar Cake [bis-sottonominiolo Limp Buschett] u l-parti l-ohra hiia scein incas minn the Joint Office Tufigno);

George “Lazy Eye” Said ucholl esponent bichri tal-bollettin;

Antonio Tufigno – Best Man u prim organizzatur.

Preparamenti
Il-gurnata tan-nozze sbiehet chmieni filghodu (chif perdipiu jaghmlu numru chebir ta’ granet). GS jitcaiiem fit-tmienia u nofs ta’ filghodu minn Bannister u mmincheiia li chien ilu biss rieced sci saghtein u nofs jirreca flimchien mal-co-usciere lein bahar ic-caghac sabiesc jgghinu fit-trasport tasc-scorb alcoholicu. Ghalgrattiatalla minhabba tahwid f’hin u fil-loc GS u JB jevitau it-toghbia u minfloc jghinu biss fil-hatt tal-vann geuua il-belt (wara espresso minghand Cafe Cordina). Geuua il-Cazin Malti, loc tal-festivitaiet garreu beiniethom miliun cascsca drinc u dana uara il-curatur tal-post b’dahca malefica qalilhom illi il-lift ma iaghtisc ghal fein jisctiecu itellghu il-cascsci.

Uara id-drincs chien imiss ucholl li jigbru il-fiuri minn New Street ta’ Casal Luca. Tlett carozzi ossia ta’ Tufen bil-Groom, ta’ JB b’GS passiggier u anca ta’ fatboyfat irnescielhom iaghmlu multiple panoramic tour ta Hal Luca. Ma staina insibu il-post b’ebda mod. Uacafna anca ghal pauza sabiesc jigu icconsmati pizez, pastitti u cassatat. Izda fl-ahhar, ftit cabel l-elf wrong turning sibna il-fiuri u hadnihom il-chnisia ta’ San Iacobo geuua Strada Mercanti il-Belt. L-uscieri u Groom ingabru id-dar izda mhusc qabel festin zghir ta’ Zeppoli di San Giuseppe minnghand il-BusyBee tal-Msida.

Ic-Cerimonia.
Mincheiia li l-hin appuntat chien s-sitta u nofs, chien biss GS li sab ruhu fuc il-post tal-chnisia dac il-hin. L-uscieri l-ohra uaslu hemm b’certa nonchalance ichtar tard. Mal uasla tal-Banny beda ucholl it-tuahhil tal-fiuri gol-lapels ta’ l-ilbiesi u hemm indunaina in-nuccas ta destrezza tan-nies chollha presenti u tuiled detto “Ichtar facli li ittir minn fuc Dingli Cliffs u ma tueggasc milli tghaddi fiura minn go lapel minghair ma tchissirha”.

Antonio “Best Man” Tufigno, armat bil-bluetooth earpiece cisu Spock ta’ Star Trek uara orgia ichel u nuccas ta Sport, javventura ruhu lein in-naha ta’ barra tal-chnisia pero jinsa’ il-fenomenu importantissimu tal-Belt... ossia il-piccioni. Chien ghalhecc illi piccione simpaticu ghogbu iahra direttament f’nofs dahar tufigno. Siniuri chienet haria Cospicua... anzi anca Senglea u Vittoriosa.Cominciamo bene. Fost dahc sfrenat ipprovaina chemm nistghu innaddfu il-corpum criminis defecatum.

Sadattant Gakbu jintlacat minn vena umoristica hecc u dehlin in-nies. Hecc chif iara habiba tal-course diehla fil-chenisia idur lein max the groom u bhala caita (u scein ichtar) ighidlu “mela anca il-qhab stedint illeila”. Immaginau is-sorpriza fuc uicc Father Tong (il-patri celebranti b’cuniom lingerie-esk) mita sab ruhu indirittat b’tali mod (u dan ghaliesc massimo chien ghogbu imur post iehor u GS ma chiensc induna bit-transpositio personae).

Ic-cerimonia tibda u GS jinnota fuc uara tal-chnisia li l-gaseous exchanges minn naha ta’ James Bannister ma chenusc ched ioncsu. In povere parole chien ched iboss chemm felah. Haunhecc GS stacsa sc’chien l-origini ta’ tant gass.... forsi eccitament? Izda le. Isimghu shabi storia denia ta Leggenda Urbana:

James bannister chien l-uscier incarigat mid-decorattioni tal-going away car tal-coppia felici. Chellu ghalhecc ucholl jipprovdina b’hafna bottijiet sabiesc jintrabtu fuc uara tal-car. X’ghamel il-McGyver ta’ l-Mqabba? Minhabba li bottijiet voita ma nstabux iddecieda jizvoita sci bottijiet hua stess. U hecc ghamel... fetah u kiel...

415 gramma cocktail sausages
415 gramma mixed beans

total ta’ 830 gramma hnizriet li chienu il causanti ta’ tant gass u attacci. Incredible but true.

U dan chien ghadu uact il-chuddies. Thanksgodd li ma gara scein ta’ riliev ghall bollettin uact ic-celebrattioniet. Naugurau ghal darb’ohra qamar il-ghasel felici lill-coppia li bhalissa tinstab tiffornica geuua Tailandia.

Jien ha mmur naghmel uarmupp. Ghasc ghada loghba tad-Deportivo Estudiantes.

It-tieg it-taiieb lilchom ilcholl.

GS